That's not a picture of my mom... its just of someone who reminds me of her!
Going to visit Mom isn't so much a luxury... sometimes it's a chore. Mostly I cant stand the constant "You're getting FAT!, How much do you weigh?, Are you an Orca??, I made all this food, why aren't you eating?" Yeah so that takes a toll on me, But this past Sunday, Kelly and I went over there (My parents live in Hammond, Indiana they relocated from Pilsen in Chicago. Probably so they'd be closer to their beloved Trump Casino.) I was ready for the same old wacky parental misadventures when I noticed something I hadn't in all my years of being "Favorite #1 son". My parents live in a house full of ridiculous shit! The more I sit here and think about it they've always had a ton of crap they don't need! Last summer Kelly pointed out to me that my parents had a sleeve of about 500 Nascar plastic cups (you know the plastic cups they give you at Burger King? The same!) Or how my Dad has like a million blank cassette tapes still in the package! Like he's going to send a crazy amount of mix tapes to a bunch of hoe's any day now. This isn't something so typical in Latino households so I don't want to blame it on their ethnicity. I just think they like to collect crazy shit!
Yes sir. That gem right there is a unicorn bookend! Can you even find one that ugly? Or at least the same one? If you can, send me a picture. For extra points actually know the person who owns it!
I know its a Killer Whale. Why is it on the wall next to family photos? It also doesn't match anything in that room!! There's no nautical theme in sight! Except for this stupid Orca!
Oh shit! Someone's rollin' VIP! I found this on my Dad's unused work bench in the basement. I bet He doesn't even know it's there! Wait a sec... VIP license plate, Mix tapes, and a box load of yellow rubber gloves? My Dad might be a pimp! Or he's getting a lot of freaky sex on the side.
Photo's of the grandchildren? No. Fuck those little bastards. We'd rather proudly display a full set Three Stooges bobble heads!! I saw a picture of my nephews first birthday underneath a set of Encyclopedia Brittanica A-F only. My parents decided that the rest of the set was just not worth the trouble.
The best part of it all is that my parents don't have a damn clue! I love them for the most part, But they need to get rid of a ton of shit. I think they could have the MOST EPIC garage sale of all time!!! Here's a few items I didn't feel like taking a picture of: Hologram Virgen de Guadalupe, Picture frames with the default white family still in the frame, year round Christmas tree, metallic catholic Saint's plates (collect the whole set), Weekend at Bernie's 2 (Dad's favorite movie), Steven Seagal Dvd collection (yeah they own a DVD player), and enough Laundry detergent, Downey, and Bleach to last a family of eight for at least 5 years! I'll see them next Special Event Day. Pray for me.
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