Someone actually believed this. episode one.

WAAAAIIITTT!!!! BEFORE YOU READ THIS COMIC PLAY THIS VIDEO!!! IT HELPS SET THE MOOD FOR THIS COMIC!!! well it's optional...














I really hoped you guys enjoyed this! Please RT or link it to a pal who'd appreciate it! And yes... someone actually did believe this. Don't forget to visit I'll try to do one of these a month!

c2e2 2011 gallery!

Well it's gone. But wow, c2e2 had a great sophomore year! Let's check out my gallery of pics and memories that I was able snag! See you next year!!!


Yes sir!! That's awesome artist Skottie Young and myself right after I told him he gave my little weenis a broner!!!


We're ready to believe you! I'm pretty sure I asked the girl NOT to be in the pic, seeing as how there can't be a female Ghostbuster.


Spidey made some racist comments about a certain all African-American Avatar: The Last Airbender cosplay group.


Legendary artist Joe Quesada and myself are pretty much best friends!


My favorite costume at c2e2!! I fucking love The Mighty Boosh! I'm OOOOOLLLLLDDD GREEEEEGGGGGG!!!


Teen Wolf and I did the backwards low fives and I can die a happy man now.


I was pretty impressed that the guy had a Dr. Venture speed suit on...


Cliff also enjoyed his time at c2e2... The man was drunk the whole time!

SEEEE YOUUUU NEXT YEAR!!!!

Sit down with Jeffrey Brown!

I emailed Jeffrey Brown a few weeks ago asking to interview him. My email probably made it seem like I was a psycho fan, but nonetheless he agreed to it! I first discovered his books while trolled the Top Shelf at Wizard World a few years back, I bought Funny Misshaped Body. That book seriously blew my mind! I've been wanting to interview Jeff since last c2e2 but I didn't have the guts to ask him, here I am a year older and ballsier and ready to interview the man.

I walked over to the Top Shelf booth at about 2pm on Sunday which was the last day of c2e2. I stood around and was happy to see that Jeffrey Brown had remembered me and once his fellow booth mate would return he'd have a sit down with me. I didn't want a recorded "formal" interview with Jeff, I wanted to write a story about meeting him. Jeffrey is a pretty laid back and humble guy from Michigan. Jeff's a Midwest guy who happens to be the son of a minister, he's quiet but loves to chat with those who have something to say to him. While we were talking he never stopped greeting his fans, signing their books and drawing a little reminder in them. Jeff went to the Art Institute here in Chicago, we talked about his novels being his art. The books are an emotion captured in graphic novel form. He explained that while school did somewhat get him ready for the comic book world he started the books as a way to get through the feelings of lost love. To let those chapters of his life go as he begins new ones.

In Jeffrey's books we see his love for music and he stills listens to Andrew Bird and started listening to a band called The Dodo's. Music is a catalyst for him that gets the emotions going. I asked him about a lot of the embarrassing moments he references in his books, he explained to me that it was a way of taking ownership of those moments. Where as many of us cling on to those memories and dwell on them, Jeffrey has found a way to work past them and use them so others can laugh, reminisce their own and feel like they can take ownership of their own embarrassments.

Jeffrey Brown has a 4 year old son, Since many parts of his books refer to his youth I asked what it was like to watch his own son grow and witness his embarrassments. Jeff enjoys every minute of watching his son grow, often finding himself reverting a bit of what his parents taught him growing up. But then he sees a different way of reacting to certain situations than his parents did. "I see myself starting to get frustrated when he makes a mistake but then I catch myself and realize that it isn't a big deal and teach him how to fix the problem". I brought up spilling milk for example and he agreed as well that as a kid our parents would get so mad and now we both see how small of a deal that really is.

Jeff's next book deals with fatherhood and religion. Jeff's dad being a minister and his relationship with him, reflects on his own budding relationship with his son. Jeffrey is an atheist and is still trying to figure out what kind of parent he wants to be. With Christianity and parenthood having such a partnership with each other it's easy to see why this is such a mental hurdle for Jeffrey, his family being so religious and all adds unnecessary pressure.

Aside from autobiographical books Jeffrey has also authored two volumes of The Amazing Change-bots. Jeffrey's writing, art and humor really shine through in all his books. I find myself extremely lucky to have discovered his novels and I wish him the best of luck in the future. I will continue to read and recommend his books as long as he continues to leave a piece of himself in every story. If you read this Jeff thanks for giving me a chance and I hope you didn't think I was a tool for being so damn nervous. Who am I kidding... I am a tool.

Jon Michael Lennon takes over c2e2!

Jon Michael Lennon is the author, artist and creator of the Product Of Society books and of Cheese Lord Comics. Jon's a very interesting guy to say the least. Cliff and I had the pleasure of shadowing Jon and the director of Product Of Society Matt Zingale (which is a documentary about the creative force that is Jon Michael Lennon). As we followed Jon and Matt through their wandering and scoping out the Artist Alley of c2e2, I personally found myself thinking "These guys are my kind of people". Not in the fact that they enjoy comics, and stupid movie and pop culture references but because they can put up with over the top antics and situations that Cliff and myself can put you through.

Over the last month or so I volunteered to help Jon pass out postcards of his Cheeselordcomics.com site to help him promote. Jon always retweets my stupid tweets and comments on my Facebook so as a friend I thought I'd do him a solid. I don't think I owed it to him, I just thought I'd help a friend out and have some fun in the process. I started telling people that the comics were drawn and written by a cancer survivor, Jon is in good physical health.. Ok I'm going to rephrase that. Jon doesn't have cancer yet. At comic cons you get stuffed passed out to you all the time, so my cancer scheme helped sway those who initially turned down the offer of a post card. At one point Jon said "Can't you just say it's your awesome friends comic?" I turned his suggestion down and explained how everyone has an "awesome" friend, but a "cancer surviving" friend is much cooler. If any of you ever want to read Product of Society (which you should) you'll quickly find out that Jon is a "one of a kind" kind of guy. Handing out his post cards couldn't have been done any other way.

I missed a few panels by hanging out with Jon but it was worth it, I saw a side of a creator that many of us don't see. A human side. The guy will hang around Artist Alley and support his fellow indie creators and drop money where he can. I know he does it because he loves indie stuff, but a part of me thinks it's his way of paying it forward. C2E2 rejected Jon's application to have a booth, Jon responded by wearing a name tag with a caption citing he was "rejected but still here to chill". We went with them on a few cigarette breaks, talked about life and comics, and shot the shit with some cool dudes. Cliff and Matt ended up going to a Claudio Sanchez (lead singer of Coheed and Cambria) signing and I joined Jon as he had lunch. Sitting with Jon for an hour gave me some serious insight to a man that is risking everything to do what he's dreamed of doing. Making comics that express what's inside of him. Jon told me his story of college and past jobs he's held, Also of the creative process that he goes through. Jon falls in love with his work, he even went as far as saying that he gets a sort of Post Partum Depression when he's done with a story. The guy absolutely loves what he does and he won't quit. Jon gave me advice on how to continue my own dreams and made me feel like he'd even help me get on my way. Showing humility and respect for another artist while still being a guy who stays true to being himself, that's definitely a trait that has been lost in many people now a days.

Matt Zingale gave me a copy of his documentary to watch and review it. It's going to be hard to review a documentary of a man that I've already decided is a really good guy. Truthfully I'm kind of nervous to watch it because I don't want my opinion of him to change, but I doubt that would happen (unless there's footage of Jon beating a puppy to death with a spiked Nazi helmet). I asked Jon if he was going to try to get into c2e2 next year, I figured he'd say no and hold on to a bitter rebellious attitude towards it. Jon simply said "Yeah." even with the chance of being rejected by a convention that showcases his peers, he's willing to try again. The man is either a glutton for punishment or a fighter. I say fighter. I know we'll eventually see him there. After he beats Cancer again of course.

Thor Panel

The second day of c2e2 kicked off with the Thor panel! That's right pals, we're talking about one of the three highly anticipated Marvel Comics movies coming out this summer! (The other ones being Captain America: The first Avenger and X-Men: First Class) This panel was held in the IGN theater and wow was it packed! IGN invited Chris Hemsworth who will be portraying the Thunder God of Asgardian lore, and they did a quick Q&A with the actor.

The room was packed, and people waited with high anticipation for any goodie we could get about the film. Unfortunately the panel was just a simple Q&A and not a spoiler filled extravaganza, I have no one to blame but myself it says on the site that it's a Q&A. I just figured that we'd get a trailer or an extended scene of the film. Something to nibble on before the film hits the theater and we enjoy the main course. The Q&A served it's purpose, we got a very formal and fun interview between the host and Hemsworth. Hemsworth joked and showed a lot of interest in the film, he even gave the audience a "FOR ASGARD!!!!" roar. The actor kept pretty mute to questions about the eventual The Avengers film, and refused to talk about the Skrulls (rumored villains in The Avengers). Hemsworth spoke about working with Natalie Portman, and his experience with JJ Abrams on Star Trek but as far as spoilers and inside info on Thor we received none.

Again, I know it says Chris Hemsworth Q&A as the panel title, I just figured that they could have shown us some videos and trailers to go along with it. Whatever... I blame Cliff.

Food and Comics Panel at C2E2!!!

Why in the hell was there a culinary discussion happening at C2E2? Who would add a panel to the lineup that dealt with food and mash it with comics? Well C.B. Cebulski was bold enough to introduce and share his love for the culinary arts. Not only did he do that but he brought along one of the biggest names in food: Rick Bayless The Top Chef Master and creator of The Frontera Grill and Xoco. C.B. went BIG!

This panel was packed! By the time I found a seat (I was arrogant enough to show up 5 minutes before the panel started, I didn't think anyone would be there!) there wasn't an empty seat in the panel room, people were standing and everyone gave a extremely warm applause to Rick Bayless. The panel introduced Rick Bayless' accomplishments and related the culinary art form with the art and creativity that goes into comic books. Rick Bayless is as involved and passionate about his menus and cooking as any of the top writers and artists in the comic business is about their books. The panel talked about many parallels in both businesses such as the time to see a project go through, creative blocks and achievements through brainstorming, even went as far as to say that foodies are as vicious as fanboys! I won't say that I personally thought the panel was extremely informative or even that there is a direct connection between food and comics, but I was really entertained and I think that it's good for us nerds to learn about something other than the norm that you usually get from the panels.

Rick Bayless is a personal culinary hero of mine. This guy traveled to Mexico in the 70's and learned how to cook authentic Mexican cuisine from grandma's in pueblos throughout Mexico and put his own spin on them while keeping up with our tradition. I never ask any questions at panels... I decided to today. I decided to bypass a question and just give a statement of gratitude for Rick Bayless. When I stepped up to the microphone I simply said "Growing up in Pilsen we often argued over whose Grandma cooked better. Obviously that's a battle no one can win. Rick your menu pays great tribute to my Grandma and every Mexican Grandma out there because of the passion you put into your amazing food. It's also taught me to appreciate what I ate as a kid. When I'd walk into the kitchen on a random Sunday morning and smell my Grandma's "Menudo" I'd think "Oh Grandpa's drunk" (I received a big laugh from Rick) and thought nothing else, But now I realize that those moments, those meals weren't JUST to feed us but Grandma was cooking because she loved us. Just the way you love the food you cook and the people you cook for." I ran up to Rick while getting a warm ovation from the crowd and shook his hand and quickly left the panel cause I had to catch my train. Maybe I'll interview Rick Bayless in the future... today I just thanked a guy who makes me feel proud to be part of a culture who sees making food as an act of love and unity between family and friends.

Food and Comics Panel at C2E2!!!

Food and Comics Panel at C2E2!!!

C2E2! 2011!!!!

We're in high gear for C2E2!!! Last year we were a bit skeptical about C2E2 and how it would match up against Wizard World. Well... Wizard World ended up being a swap meet featuring ex pro wrestlers and Rod Blagojevic. Yeah... Garb Shamus brought Rod Blagojevic and charged $80 a picture. The only high profile comic book creator to show up was Brian Azzarello who was the only redeeming quality of Wizard World. All I can say is hopefully WW can knock the price off a few bucks this year, because the place is literally a swap meet. Very sad stuff since Wizard World Chicago has been fantastic in past years.

C2E2 however was the little convention that could! The crowds were small but the names were bit! Joe Quesada, Jim Lee, Geoff Johns, Brian Azzarello, Garth Ennis, Neil Gaiman and many other great names (I almost forgot that Alex Ross was there too!!). At first I felt like all that great talent was wasted at an event that no one showed up to, but it truly is a great convention to be at. Cliff (fellow napalmassault.com nerd) and I felt that last years C2E2 was perfect for nerdy first timers who'd never been to a convention. We thought it be the perfect place to get geared up for Wizard World. Until WW showed up and we quickly realized that C2E2 won the battle of the chi city cons by a very large margin.

Where will I be?
On Friday I plan to hit up the Food and Comics panel starring none other than Top Chef Master Rick Bayless who is a big hero of mine! The guy is the culinary genius who brought us the Frontera Grill and put a tremendous spin on traditional Mexican cooking! I'll score a few words with him and hustle up a picture! If I can get a pic of us high fiving each other my day will be made! Other than that panel, Friday will be a "walk around and take in the sites" day. If you're going Friday should be the least crowded day.

Saturday will be a really busy day, I'm going straight to the Chris Hemsworth Q&A (HE PLAYS THOR!!!) Maybe we'll even get a glimpse of some footage of the movie or some type of freebie! Vertigo and Dynamite will have a panel at 2pm, then at 5:30 we'll head over to Marvel's Cup O' Joe panel where Joe Quesada will give a Marvel state of the union address. I won't be doing much DC stuff because I really haven't followed any. Sorry.

Sunday I'll have an interview with one of my favorite writers: Jeffrey Brown, I'll check out the Garth Ennis panel and I'll even squeeze in some Danny McBride action on Saturday! Please follow myself @napalmassault, Cliff @WTFisCLB, and John Bruni @tusitalabruni for ALL your C2E2 needs! We do NOT disappoint!

What If... Lebron played for the Bulls?

We are all witness... To the BEST Chicago Bulls team since 1998. After a dominating 5-1 circus road trip, The Bulls will be back in town to take on the Orlando Magic. This games brings two things: The debut of our other Free agent Carlos Boozer, and a more than happy homecoming for our 13-2 Chicago Bulls. DRose and LBJ have combined for a total 62.3 ppg and 19.2 assists on their west coast tour!

I have to admit... this team GEEKS me the hell out! This town hasn't been this excited and hyped about basketball since the original #23 ran the court! Why is this team so good? Why are the NBA's ratings so high during Bulls games? One word: Chemistry. This team is all around NASTY! DRose has been commanding the offense, Lebron has been scoring like a beast, Noah has taken command of the boards and shows a athletic and defensive prowess that's unseen in most big men, Taj Gibson has stepped up and helped out with our lack of Boozer, hell.. even Luol Deng has become an all important 3rd option averaging 17.8 ppg!! So now Boozer's coming back? I don't think anyone in the NBA has an answer for this team. Back in LA after that incredible double OT game against the Lakers which ended 122-119 with the Lakers edging out the Bulls, Phil Jackson referred to the Bulls as a "Nightmare situation"! Phil was quoted as saying "This is a team that will take you to the limit, They have an amazing point guard in Rose and they have Lebron who will probably be the best player in the NBA during the next 10 years! Their role players step up and everyone plays their part! I think it's a definite possibility that these two teams (Lakers and Bulls) will see each other in the Finals."

Ever since Lebron decided to come to the Bulls back in July during that heartwarming tearful goodbye to the Cavaliers and their fans, he rushed to Chicago to begin a new chapter in the Lebron saga. "I just want to win. It's unfortunate that I couldn't do it in Cleveland, but with this Bulls team things are gonna be different. These guys have a lot of fire and passion for the game. DRose, Noah, Boozer, and Deng are a solid group of players and they love the game of basketball. I want to hoist a banner here. I'd like to be immortalized here, along with DRose. We can teach each other things, how to win, how to be united as a team, most of all we can show everyone in this league that the Chicago Bulls are a storied and legendary franchise like the Lakers and Celtics." Those were Lebrons words during his signing with the Bulls surrounded by family and friends. To quote Charles Barkley: "Lebron made the right move, he chose to play for a team that has high hopes and a lot of talent. It's still gonna be a lot of hard work, but Lebron is gonna make the Bulls better and the Bulls are above everything else gonna make Lebron better!"

The NBA's ratings are the highest they've been in years! Its all because we have a team that is committed to playing as one cohesive unit and showcasing two of the biggest stars in the game right now. Lebron was recently asked if he was nervous about playing against Cleveland next month "I'm nervous, I felt very humbled by the way the fans have wished me luck and given me their blessings to leave. I treated them with respect, I decided the day after we lost to the Celtics to explain to them why I had to leave. There was no theatrics, no big show... just my explanation, an apology and a promise that whatever happened in my future, it would have never been possible without the city of Cleveland and the state of Ohio."



Thanks for picking us Lebron... you sir are a class act. GO BULLS!!!

In that alternate reality the Bulls went 63-19 and beat the Lakers in 6 games. DRose made the winning basket on a floater and Lebron was Finals MVP.

In our reality the Bulls will have to work a little bit harder... but the gold isn't too far away.

The Dark Knight Rises

Yes sir, The Dark Knight Rises is officially the title to the third installment of Chris Nolan's Batman series. Here are the facts: No Riddler (Which I'm OK with because Batman has a ton of Rogues), It will not be filmed in 3D (Thank you Nolan!), and they're looking for a female lead (I'm hoping Catwoman but someone brought the idea up of Talia and the League of Shadows making a return.) So Nolan has definitely planted the "hype seed" and we're excited! (For all who don't know, when TDK was in production I was severely obsessed with the viral marketing and spent several late nights getting the "nerd itch". Cliff lived with me at the time and he can vouch for my trolling)



So what's everyone thinking? I hear the big rumor is Killer Croc. I seriously doubt it. I know they're filming in Louisiana but Croc's character never really hung out at the swamp and he was known for being in the sewers of Gotham more than the Louisiana bayou. The Joker to return? I won't put that idea down, I don't think Heath Ledger "owns" that character. Ledger's turn was incredible but I could see him being recast-ed and there's a line of A list Hollywood players waiting for their chance to take on that role. Before you object, Many of you were very angry at the fact that Ledger was taking the role that Nicholson set the bar for. (Jack wasn't that good. True story!) I always liked Ledger and Nolan hasn't let us down yet, If Joker ends up getting recast-ed it will make sense. Harvey Dent died in The Dark Knight. Everyone including Aaron Eckhart has said that Harvey Dent died, No one has said that Two-Face will not be in the next Batman movie. If you've read the books you'll know that Two-Face ALWAYS says that Harvey is dead. I believe that the actors and writers always intended to keep that part of the story intact, Harvey Dent died the moment he realized he was no longer Harvey Dent. (The part when he told the Joker that each side of the coin determined the Joker's fate) I also predict that the female lead will go to the Catwoman, It makes sense to have a character that is "on the fence", Its gives Batman a conflict that is mental and emotional as opposed to physical.



We can all be certain that the wild ride begins here! The Dark Knight Rises will now be on the tips of our tongues and on the look out for any info we can find. You can rest assured that I will do my very best to keep all of you in the loop and well informed. Run your questions my way and I want to hear your comments people! Don't forget to share my blog on Facebook and twitter! Also visit thenapalmassault.com and read our blogs!

Teen Moms are FUCKING STUPID!

We as a society have become enablers. We enable people to do stupid shit. There's a TV show on MTV that enables teen girls to embrace the worst decision they've ever made in life: become a parent at a young age. My name is Leo Perez and Teen Mom on MTV is a perfect example on how we've accepted teenage pregnancy as a form of entertainment.


I love using this exploding head picture.

I understand that having a baby is an extremely beautiful part of life and that most babies are a symbol of love between two people. However, If your kid doesn't fall under that category you are a shitty decision maker and your shitty decision will lead to my taxes paying for you and your stupid ass kid. I don't have kids, but I've been around enough people that have them to know that kids are a big fucking responsibility! When these damn teens have kids it makes me feel so bad for two people: 1) The Kid. The kid will grow up to be a felon and an asshole! 2) The Parents of stupid teen mom and teen dad. THEY HAVE TO RAISE THAT FUCKING KID!!! People at the age of 14-18 have no idea what it is to have that kind of responsibility! If you're an ex-teen mom or dad and feel like you did a pretty good job, please email me and if I know you well enough I'll tell you all the reasons on how I'm right!! If you can't handle certain truths then please just read this and hang your head low in defeat!


I've watched the 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom shows, they are super entertaining! Watching train wrecks is a ton of fun, plus if you want to feel better about your life watch the show! (This will not apply to teen moms or dads as your fucking life is in the toilet and watching this show should only serve as a constant reminder of your miserable life.) The only smart kids on that show is the ugly girl and skinny kid who gave up their child for adoption because the girl had a TERRIBLE FUCKING LIFE!! The ugly girl had a crackhead mom and skinny kid's dad was in and out of jail. Those kids are fucking heroes, we should give them a medal. The other parents just make terrible choices every episode, its pretty brutal to watch at times. The thing that really gets me on this is that every year we'll get a new season of teen mom because girls will purposely get pregnant to be on that show, does anyone get on MTV's ass about this? Someone should, because there are a ton of girls with daddy issues out there that need the attention of a million television watchers! Let me ask you this: Do you think the fat girl and the fatter dude make good parents? THEIR KID CAN'T EVEN FUCKING READ!!!


I just really can't handle the fact that we're becoming "OK" with teens becoming parents, The dads don't stick around at all (they're little boys who wiggle their little dick in a snatch and think they're men) and teen moms usually hand the kid off to their parents and end up looking for another guy that will end up treating kid #1 like a piece of shit. Then that becomes a cycle for that kid to fuck his/her life even worse than their parents did! Wear a god-damned condom, trust me its not as bad as it sounds. I'll tell you how it works: Your peepee gets hard, you open a package of Lifestyles that you picked up at Planned Parenthood, you struggle with it for a minute or so, you wriggle it in the vagina, ask her who her daddy is, then 57 seconds later you climax in it. Afterward you tell all your boys that you boned the fuck out of her and left the condom on top of the trash cans pile so her parents would see it. Ladies you tell your friends that you gave it up to him and that he's the only man you'll ever love. Then 3 months later when you find out he fingered your cousin at your 15th birthday party, you won't feel as bad about the breakup as you would if a kid were involved. DOES ANY OF THAT SEEM SO FUCKING HARD?



I'm not dumb, I know teens will have a ton of sex and experiment with dildos. We need to make teen pregnancy shameful again! If you are 16 and pregnant you should be embarrassed! Your life is shit and your dreams have gone down the toilet! Abortions are OK the first time around (Hey everyone makes mistakes right?)but for the love of god guys wear a condom! It's not like you know what the fuck you're doing anyway! You haven't experimented any moves or perfected the "pull out" action yet. Essentially you're using a half-assed cum-shot on making a baby instead of spilling it inside of a Durex. Babies should be made with thunderous climaxes not pre-cum wriggle dick. I'M OUUUUTTTTT!!!!

The elderly are ASSHOLES!!!!

Yes, you read the title correctly! The elderly are indeed assholes! I know what many of you will say: "Wait'll you get old!", "You're gonna be sorry when you're an old man!!" and "Hey! The elderly are adorable!" WRONG! First off, by the time I get "old" there will be a cure for being old. Second, I'm never going to be sorry for anything. Being sorry is for pussies. Lastly, if the elderly were adorable we'd buy them at pet stores, bring them home, dress them in cute outfits, and line their cages with newspaper. Old people are bitter, smelly, ugly, loud, obnoxious, pessimistic, rude, over-opinionated, and utterly helpless know-it-alls. Yet they always demand your attention, respect, and expect you to bend over backwards for every twisted command they bark at you.

You're automatically going to think of your sweet old grandma who cooks for you and babies the hell out of you when you visit her. Here's the twist: when your grandma goes to the store or a restaurant she treats people like shit and is an annoying old fuck rag. Your cute and sweet old grandpa tips servers like its still 1939 and still rides on a high horse because he helped win the "big war" for us. NEWSFLASH: No one won a war for me or my people because if they did Arizona wouldn't be fucking over thousands of latinos with their racist ass law! Wake up people! The elderly have you fooled into thinking they are harmless and should be treated with respect.


Look at them. They are always judging us!

I can't talk about my grandma because I'm sure one of my family members will get offended and tell her, I'm sure then if anything were to happen (god forbid) the bulk of the blame will fall on me. So instead I'll talk about my friend Stewart's grandma! (All my close personal friends know Stewart, he's a total legend among us! He used to be a stunt man but now he owns a destruction derby car and competes for major dollars!!) Stewart's grandma used to have an African American best friend but Stewart's grandma would repeatedly blame most of societies problems on black people. Stewart's grandma is also a minority so its a blatant case of race on race hate with a little bit of double standard and a dash of FUCKING SENILE!!! Old people cannot be trusted with your secrets because they'll tell everyone what you're up to, They will pit you against other loved ones because they get off on making everyone miserable, and you will never know as much as they do because they've been around longer than you have so therefore they're smarter! I CALL BULLSHIT ON THAT ONE FOLKS! If old people were so fucking smart they wouldn't be a constant victim of scams and get rich quick schemes! If they were smart they wouldn't look confused every time they went to the grocery store and stared at the credit card machine making lines longer and slowing down everything at the register! YOU SLIDE YOUR CARD AND YOU SIGN YOUR FUCKING NAME! Here's the kicker, If they can't figure out a simple credit card transaction HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE DRIVING!!!


FUCK YOU LADY!!!

You see these old bastards barely able to comprehend anything, then you see their frail bodies, add in their TERRIBLE reflexes. What do you get? A RECIPE FOR DISASTER!!! I'm not a scientist but I know a dude who thinks he is, He says that 75% of traffic accidents are caused by old ass bastard elderly people! The other 25% is women but I call bullshit on that cause I'd blame Asians for at least 19%. They don't know what the hell is going on most of the time, HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE ALLOWED TO DRIVE???

I was at a store today and an old man took time out of his shopping to complain to an employee that the music was too loud, and that the choice of music was horrible. The employee gave in to his demands and the old man then proceeded to go pay at the register. HE WAS ALREADY LEAVING!!!! HE WAS ALREADY LEAVING, BUT HE DECIDED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING HE DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYMORE ANYWAY!!!!! AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Like for real dude? That's what made him happy? That small pathetic victory made that old cunt feel like a big man? This train of thought doesn't make sense to me! Why do old people feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to shit like this? WHY?!!!


I've always wanted to post a picture of a head exploding.

BTW, after taking a couple of months off I'm back. I'm going to commit to a blog a week and you're gonna see a big change to thenapalmassault.com in the next few weeks! Thanks for reading!

Tales from Wizard World 2010: It's BLAGO!!!!!!!

Why was Rod Blagojevich at Wizard World? How did the fans react? Did anyone try to stink palm him??? Many questions were asked on Day 2 of the Chicago Comic Con aka Wizard World, the biggest question that was on everyone's mind was: Who asked this jerk to come? Wizard World did. Well at least that's what Blago said, apparently Wizard World had invited him because of his "Pop culture status". Oh yeah Blago and I had a nice little chat... and I do mean little.

Saturday at WW was a madhouse! I'd never seen Wizard World this busy! The day before I'd received a tweet from @WizardWorld about Blago showing up and the place was buzzing. At first I laughed and I thought it was pretty funny that Blago was showing up and that he'd hang out with all us nerds. Then I found out that he was charging $50 an autograph and $80 for a photo op. I was quickly disgusted by the fact that a criminal (he was charged with one count out of 24 technically he's a criminal) was going to charge people for his grimy services! I arrived at WW at about 9:40 am, as I waited for my nephew and his friend to get through the line, I saw the media circus set up shop around Blago's autograph table (which was separate from the rest of the celebrities). I hung around and spoke with a couple of camera crews then went off with my nephew and his pal. About an hour later they announced over the PA that he had arrived the announcement was met with boos and yells. I yelled at my nephew "follow me, we're doing this shit!!" since it was technically my third day at WW I knew the shortcut to Blago's spot. We hurried past costumed freaks and fat dudes eating cheese curds, we get to Blago's media circus to find that people are starting to line up and its getting busy!

I muscled my way through the crowd with my nephew and pal, I slithered past security and stood right next to Blago's table. While I was standing there I was blinded by the flashing cameras and lights. It was like people couldn't get enough pictures with Rod and the man seemed to love every minute of it! All of a sudden a guy starts yelling at Blago "Rod, Why didn't you stop Obama when you had the chance?" Blago looked at him with a puzzled look on his face and responded "I wanted Obama to be president!" (well duh! How could he sell his senate seat if Obama was still sitting in it?) The guy yelled back "You're a LIAR!!!" I looked at the guy and said "Shut the fuck up!" I looked over to Blago's henchmen (or security guard... whatever) and said "Don't worry about that guy, I'm sure that dude is still a virgin." (its true the guy looked like Seth Rogen dressed him) Blago's henchman laughed and asked me why I was standing around, I showed him my press bracelet and asked if I could holler at Blago. (I said "holler" because henchman was black and I figured he'd feel more at home if I spoke to him in "hood") Henchman told me he's get Blago for me if I waited a minute or so. A armed Rosemont police officer was standing next to me, I turned to him and said "So you get to protect Blago huh?" the cop looked at me completely bored and responded with a "yeah... lucky me."

I was told to not record my quick interview, I guess "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" right? Anyway, I shook Blago's hand and he made almost no eye contact with me. Instead he looked over the crowd and swelled with pride. I asked Blago "Why Wizard World Rod? Why are you here?" Blago responded with how he had become a permanent fixture in pop culture and it only made sense that he showed up, especially with his "main demographic" being here. Apparently Blago thinks nerds love him. I asked who had invited him and he quickly responded with how WW's PR department gave his boys a call and he decided it was the "right thing to do". Blago has this aura about him, he comes off as a really charming guy. It was almost like you could be sucked into a conversation with him about nothing and you'd be totally happy about it. I then asked him what he had planned next for him, Blago assured me that he was ready to take on the prosecution's retrial and wanted to rebuild his family and move forward with other media ventures. I told him he should have a talk show like Jerry Springer or Maury, He smiled and agreed I swear I could see the cogs turning in his head as he looked into the heavens. I brought up Sam Adams Jr's quote from the press conference about how a retrial would cost Illinois more money, Blago agreed and said that we didn't need more dead babies out in the street, I totally giggled and thought of walking down Michigan ave. playing kick the can with an infants skull. I wished Blago luck because he seemed to be preoccupied with his new line forming full of autograph seekers and well wishers. I asked him for a pic he obliged and insisted that we shake hands in the picture. As I walked away I looked back and I saw a man who believed he truly was larger than life, my nephew then asked me who that guy was... I responded "The guy in the news who's in a shit load of trouble." What a weird dude.

Tales from Wizard World 2010: Angus Oblong

That's right ladies and gentlemen that is the creator of The Oblongs and all around bad boy Angus Oblong, his manservant Sparkle, and myself at the Wizard World's Chicago Comic Con! The 4 day nerdfest wasn't very memorable for a lot of hardcore fans. But Cliff, Bruni, and most of all me will remember it as a time that we hung out with Angus Oblong.. a lot! On Thursday I got to WW at about 4:40 pm and doors opened at 5pm, Cliff and Bruni were heading there after work so when 5:00pm rolled by I headed inside. The year before I remember being pretty damn upset that Angus had skipped WW so I was hoping to see him, low and behold Angus was setting up shop with his handsome manservant Sparkle. I walked over to get the scoop as to why he didn't show the year before. "Hey! I know you!!!" yelled Angus Oblong, I was taken aback. Not only does this man meet thousands of people a year and it had been a couple since he'd seen me but he lives in L.A. where he probably sees more Mexicans that he'd probably like to. I told him that we'd seen him every year and always hung around and spent some cash at his table I even had a couple of pictures taken with him. I introduced myself and told him that my friend Rich would be super excited to hear that Angus would be there, "Well get his fat ass over here!" he exclaimed (Rich is about 115 lbs. soaking wet). I walked away and quickly texted Cliff "ANGUS OBLONG REMEMBERED MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" I was extremely flattered and my nerd hard on was raging! I forgot to mention that Angus accused me of "Coming on to him" which I replied "Hey, Its Thursday. Its FUCKING College Night!!! Anything goes BRO!!!" He got a kick out of that. I'm a damn funny guy! When Cliff got there I quickly led him to Angus' table, When we got there Angus yells "Hey BLACK!!!" (Cliff is definitely Black aka African American) Angus had us laughing our asses off while he lightheartedly belittled his manservant Sparkle. I noticed he had a Dr. Rockso figure at his table, I inquired abut it and told him it was cool. "Give me 5 bucks for it man, some fan gave it to me and I don't want it!" I called his bluff and paid him, He then signed the doll and I told him I'd carry it around in hopes that the guy who gave it to him would see me with it and feel like an asshole. I don't know if the guy ever saw me or noticed but that was the end of Day 1.


Throughout the weekend we'd pass by and hang out, Angus asked me my name a dozen times and kept forgetting so eventually he decided it would be best if he wrote it on his hand. So we fist bumped, took pics, made fun of dorky looking dudes, made horrible remarks about women and children, and I'm pretty sure we built a lot of bad karma for us. But it was worth it! Sparkle and I talked a lot he's one of the coolest guys I've met at comic cons and we had some great quick conversations. We traded facebook info and we're probably gonna end up having a bromance! Eventually Sunday came around and I really wanted to get an interview with Angus, When I asked him he was a bit nervous. Angus asked me to wait to interview until he'd had his coffee, I came back about 20 minutes later. Angus buzzed me off again and I came back 30 minutes later, he wanted to check my questions out so I let him check them out and reassured him that it would be just as if he was talking to me. After buzzing me off again I returned 15 minutes later so that he'd get "mentally prepared" for the interview. We sat down and had a great time with it! Afterward I thanked him and spent a measly 6 dollars at his table (I'm cheap OK??!!) We wished each other luck... well maybe I wished him luck and he probably yelled an obscenity at me (He's a very funny and playful guy).
Interviewing Angus Oblong has been one of the best moments so far in my short journalism career. I couldn't have asked for a better sport and to hang out with a guy who truly loves being around his fans. A lot of guys in the industry will blow you off or act very condescending towards you, but Angus treated myself, the crew, and all his fans like friends. So if you ever get to meet Angus and you buy one of his awesome books and he draws a character on the "This book belongs to.." page, It's not just a drawing its a gesture of friendship. Thank you Angus for making a lackluster Wizard World one that The Napalm Assault will never forget. Fag.

Email me @ leoperez@thenapalmassault.com for the audio of this interview, I'll be fixing the link to hear the interview soon. Thanks, sorry about that!

I'm sure this blog is kind of a miracle... right?

In case you haven't seen the latest and most talked about Insane Clown Posse video ever, I've posted it above. The video came out a few months ago and its been made fun of, SNL has made a parody, and been the hot topic with Juggalos (die hard ICP fans) everywhere! The name of the song is "Miracles" and it talks about how everyday occurrences and scientific facts are indeed "Miracles" to the Insane Clown Posse. Any one with a half a brain can tell you that your child looks like you because of genetics, ICP on the other hand calls it a "miracle". Personally I watch the video to get some good chuckles and be flat out flabbergasted by the line "Fucking magnets, How do they WORK???!!" Which has now turned into a huge internet meme.



I've tried to sit down and understand the video. I have picked at it from all angles and I've tried to "get" the song so that I can see where the "miracles" are. I have a LOT of time on my hands and nope, NO DICE! I think its safe to say that if you completely understand this video and agree with the lyric "I don't want to talk to a scientist, Ya'll motherfuckers lying and getting me pissed!" You're fucking crazy! Not funny crazy either, I'm talking about you need your family to sit you down and figure out what's the best way to get you professional help crazy. Why would a scientist LIE???!!! That boggles my mind, What scientist would say "OK, magnets work by magic spells put on them by sugar plum fairies!" The only kind of scientist that would say that is clearly one that wants to be discredited and lose all respect in the scientific community! I don't like people who call scientists liars, you might as well be a pedophile! YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!



"I've seen shit that'll shock your eyelids
The sun and the moon, and even Mars
The Milky Way and fucking shooting stars
UFOs, a river flows
Plant a little seed and nature grows"

YOU SON OF A BITCH! I've seen all those things, even the UFO I thought I saw once was actually a weather balloon but it wasn't a miracle! The sun is made up of gases not miracles, you uneducated bastard! Did the ICP miss the ENTIRE Fourth grade? I swear we learned all about this stuff during science hour! Did you guys ever plant seeds in Styrofoam cups? Mine never grew! Not because I don't believe in miracles, they didn't grow because I thought Coca-Cola would be essential to its growing process! My theory was wrong, but at least I didn't attribute my failure to miracles fucking me in the ass!

"Crows, ghosts, the midnight coast
The wonders of the world, mysteries the most"

Really? You had to throw GHOSTS in there? No one believes me about my ghosts experiences, who's gonna believe a couple of assholes who throw scientists under the bus and call them out as liars! Watch the video, but don't read too much into it. Unless you want to end up like this:


"I said...hop on!"

Arizona can suck my balls!

My whole opinion on Illegal Immigration is a bit fuzzy to say the least. I've always felt that people shouldn't break the law to live a better life. That really isn't the case anymore, I've changed my mind. Illegal Immigration is something that happens because there isn't a better way to make a better life for yourself other than to break the law. You have to admit we as American citizens have it pretty easy here, we have cell phones, cable TV, video games, and a bunch of stuff we don't need to make life a lot easier. We don't have to worry about having to feed our children as much as people in different countries have to, we get a lot of help here from various organizations. Aside from that we can choose to take almost any job we want because we have opportunity thrown at us since grade school all we have to do is reach out and take it. Illegal Immigrants don't have that, they have to fight for any scrap they can get just to have a slightly better day. What's my point? My point is that on top of all that Arizona passes a stupid law to make life more difficult for these hardworking people.

Sure they may be breaking the law and some might say they are a problem. But the truth is, Illegal Immigration wouldn't be such a big problem if people born here didn't feel like they were too good to work "shitty" jobs. What jobs do most Immigrants have? Line cooks, dishwashers, landscapers, fruit harvesters, farm work, ditch diggers, any hard physical labor. Work that most privileged people look down on because "book smarts" aren't necessary. But these people will work circles around you and ten of your friends! This law makes it so police can stop anyone that "looks illegal" and have them prove their legality. Sounds like something straight out of Nazi Germany! That's NOT what America is about, and this has me very ashamed to be an American. This law has opened my eyes to the injustice and hate that lives in this country and I will not let this happen. I support the boycott of Arizona based companies like Petsmart, Cold Stone Creamery, Discount Tires, U-Haul, etc. People will say "If you boycott them the local economy suffers too!", My answer is: TOO FUCKING BAD! You know how many people there are out there who suffer from not having enough money and working 3 jobs just to barely make ends meet for a family of 6? Some of you will NEVER know what that is like, but many of you know someone who is an illegal and in a shitty situation. I've heard things from American born citizens who say "Hey! We had it pretty rough growing up! Both my parents had to work and raise us on hand-me-downs!" If you are from here and you have to struggle to live and you aren't trying to better your situation: YOU OR YOUR PARENTS MADE SHITTY LIFE CHOICES AND DID NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE OPPORTUNITIES THIS COUNTRY OFFERS! If illegal aliens swoop in and take your jobs then you aren't working hard enough!



This country was built on the backs of immigrants, the state of Arizona has forgotten that. I bet you the Lawmakers there have a horde of illegals working their lawns and caring for their children. We who are the children or grandchildren of immigrants need to rise up and help. It took years of working with honest hard-working guys in the kitchen at Bakers Square to teach me that these people work hard. I feel embarrassed that I used to think differently and was for laws that hunted down illegals. But this law woke me up. We need to step up and back up this boycott! We need to let this country know that we are the sleeping giant, We need to keep Obama in the White House because he's the son of a immigrant too! We need to show the world that: Si se puede.

This Oil Spill is MONEY!

So everyone is really up in arms about this oil spill that happened in the Gulf of Mexico, apparently its a huge environmental disaster that we're going to feel for years to come. Dolphins are dying, pelicans are blowing up, and fish are going straight up silly in the ocean. There's a really good chance that the Gulf will never get completely cleaned up and the ecosystem is forever ruined. Great news everyone: It's not that bad!


First off, Only the stupid animals get oil on themselves. That is a true statement! Hahahaha! Look at that picture of that stupid bird! What an asshole! I bet he was all like "Hey, I wonder what all this black stuff I'm swimming in is? AWWW man! It's OIL! Really?! Who did this? Phil? Was it fucking you Phil? You're a jerk, dude! Who puts oil in the ocean? I'm such an asshole! If I was flying and not dicking around in the ocean this would never have happened! PHIL!" There's a really good chance that oceanic birds have names like Phil and whatever the above bird's name is. Many of you will say "Leo! Dolphins are super smart! Why are they affected?" FACT: "Dolphins are not smart, if they were they would not live in the BORING ocean." -Dr. Mortimer Smartzenstein. Dolphins get stuck in Tuna nets all the time, I have never been caught in a net. EVER. So therefore I'm smarter than a dolphin and if I'm smarter than a dolphin they are pretty fucking dumb.

Secondly, We can't drink salt water. Trust me I've tried many times but it can't be done. What's my point? The oil spilled in water right? We drink water right? The water the oil spilled in was salt water right? We can't drink salt water right? THE OIL SPILL HAPPENED ON SHIT WE DON'T FUCKING NEED ANYWAY!!!!!!!!! Is everyone living in crazy town?! Why does everyone care?! Not only that but the most contaminated areas are islands protected to preserve wildlife. So they're animals we cant hunt to make food from! Worthless! All of those animals are worthless, the water is undrinkable, and islands aren't even man enough to be continents! Suck my dick planet Earth!


Lets wrap this shit up! It all seems clear to me that all of you tree hugging hippies and eco friendly hipsters don't want the inevitable Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland from Mad Max to happen. You people don't want this happening because you're a bunch of pussies! Lord knows you can't put up a fight wearing nerd glasses and fedoras, you wouldn't last two seconds in the fucking THUNDERDOME! Your "going green society" has turned you into the punk ass marks that would be the first to fall under the iron hand of Lord Humungus and his futuristic biker gang. I'm a firm believer that the oil spill is the first in a set of cataclysmic events that will bring forth the environmental apocalypse, and I'm getting ready for the world of tomorrow. While my gang is pillaging your hipster havens for its resources and my hard hand is choking your scrawny neck while you're coughing up blood onto your skinny jeans, you'll think "Damn he was right... That oil spill WAS money!"
BOOM!

Iron Man 2.... Love it or leave 'Merica!

Many of us called the first Iron Man: The best documentary EVER made. Iron Man 2 is the other best documentary ever filmed in REAL TIME! This movie is incredible! If you're a Marvel buff (like me) this movie is the closest we'll ever get to watching our children be born (don't kid yourselves we're fucking nerds, we don't get sex... without paying). Iron Man 2 is what we want all of our comic book movies to be, and Marvel Studios is delivering! Marvel Studios is keeping true to the characters and story lines of all its product while entertaining the movie crowd and keeping nerds happy!

Watching this movie gets me all hot and bothered with anticipation for the Thor, Captain America and Avengers movies. They have done such a fantastic job bringing Tony Stark to the big screen, Robert Downey Jr. plays him so well and he should really just start living like a Billionaire superhero playboy because however he lives his life in the real world is a fucking lie! I also like how they don't have Iron Man fighting petty street thugs because he isn't Batman, Iron Man battles big time super-villains and bangs chicks during breaks from kicking ass. I've read reviews where people state that there was too much talking in this film and not enough action till the end. Here's a newsflash: Iron Man has always been about Tony Stark, actually ALL Marvel comics have emphasized on the humanity of the characters more than the "super alter ego". That's why we learn more about Peter Parker and his troubles than we do about Spider-Man, or Bruce Banners dilemma with being a monster than we focus on the Hulk. I was more than happy with 2 and a half action sequences in a blockbuster super hero movie. We need to see Tony Stark dealing with his larger than life persona and witness his flawed character. More than anything we need to understand that Iron Man is perfect while Tony Stark is a complete screw up!

Mickey Rourke is great in this movie! Aside from his grandpa titties and dirtball looking face, Mickey Rourke was a hell of a Whiplash. Mickey Rourke OWNS his characters and did his complete best to become Whiplash. Can anyone not like Sam Rockwell? Sam Rockwell can play a complete douche better than anyone, He's like a better acting, uglier, more talented, smarter, but more of a failure Johnny from the Karate Kid. I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT DESCRIBES SOMEONE OTHER THAN JOHNNY FROM THE KARATE KID BUT SAM ROCKWELL IS AWESOME! The introduction of these two characters was exceptional and for the first time multiple villains has actually worked in a comic book movie! (Two-Face from the Dark Knight? Yeah... His five minutes as a minor annoyance was real super-villain worthy.
The last scene with Iron Man and War Machine fighting robot drones was ridiculous! I felt like we needed to see Iron Man just wrecking shit up, beating up on unmanned robo drones and making unnecessary decisions like fighting near civilian areas is awesome! Action scenes like this are truly a fanboys wet dream and they really stay true to the comics with Iron Man using the Unibeam, Repulsor blasts, and cool moves he can only do once because seeing it two many times kills the effect of seeing the move in the first place!

Iron Man 2 is doing such a great job at leading up to the Avengers, I really need to see that movie NOW! Especially if its full of Skrulls and a fight scene with the Hulk I might need an oxygen tank and a clean pair of pants at the theatre because I might have an actual SHIT ATTACK! Stop reading this and go see the damn movie! STAY AFTER THE CREDITS!!!!

C2E2 Avatar Press panel by John Bruni

I've got Bruni here again with some awesome news and a great article on the Avatar Press panel from C2E2. Sorry its late guys... I HAVE A JOB!

The Avatar Press Panel
By John Bruni

As one who has worked as a journalist and reviewer in the past, I hate to break the fourth wall. It’s downright unprofessional. It even bothers me when Shakespeare threw asides into his plays. But for the Avatar panel, I have to do it. I have no choice. You’ll see why.

Cliff and I went to the Avatar panel, and when I saw there were only a handful of attendees, I shook my head. Some of the best work in the industry could be found with Avatar’s logo on it, and this was the biggest crowd they could get?

Brian Pulido took to the lectern while the rest of the panel took seats at the table: Mike Wolfer, Jacen Burrows, William Christensen, and Christos Gage. Gage was the last to arrive because he said he’d gotten lost, that he’d tried every panel room, and this was the last one. (That’s another problem with McCormick Place: it’s really hard to navigate.)

From the very introduction, it was clear that this was not to be an ordinary panel. The ball-busting began very soon in the presentation, and it did not let up a bit. Off-color remarks were hurled about, including cursing, which one simply does not find at, say, a Marvel panel. I think Karen Berger said “shit” twice at the Vertigo panel, but that’s nothing compared to how the air turned blue around the Avatar guys. At one point, they declared that their evening event with George R.R. Martin and Max Brooks would feature the ritual sacrifice of William Christensen, but the joke stopped when they realized that they should never sacrifice the money.

But in between the gloriously inappropriate humor, actual information was mentioned to the crowd. The biggest news Avatar had to offer was their new imprint, Boundless Comics, of which LADY DEATH was going to be the flagship title. In the year 1351, Lady Death has fallen from grace. Her powers are gone, and so is her memory of them. She makes her living as an assassin and thief in the Dark Ages. Then, she encounters a rebel demon who tries to convince her that she used to be something more than what she is. Pulido promises that the new storyline will not fuck with the old Lady Death, and fans will not be disappointed.

The next biggest news is the return of CROSSED, and I’m not just talking about the comics series. There is also a movie in the works with the screenplay written by Garth Ennis. It is to be a live-action movie, and many on the panel tried to speculate as to how much of Ennis’ grotesque story will make it onto the big screen. They wondered about one thing in particular: the horse cock. (Readers will know what I’m talking about.) Will there be “live action horse cock?” In addition, there will be a second series of CROSSED, launched by Ennis and Burrows before it is handed off to a new creative team. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is disappointed to hear that the reins will be passed on, but I have faith in Avatar. They’ve never let me down before.

Burrows talked about his new project with Alan Moore, NEONOMICON, which is the sequel to THE COURTYARD, both of which you can read more about in my interview with Burrows. He also quoted Moore at the panel: “[This is] HPL as done by HBO.”

The final project they discussed was Gage’s upcoming sequel to ABSOLUTION, which is titled ABSOLUTION: RUBICON, in which the protagonist, who had turned to a life of killing villains who couldn’t be touched by the law, is on the run from his superhero/cop friends as he continues his new calling in life.

And then the show was turned over to Q&A. Every single person in this very small crowd had a question, which goes to show the dedication of the Avatar fan. Then, I put my hand up, and Pulido told me to state my name and who I work for.

I’ve known him for many years now. In fact, my job as a reviewer of comic books kind of began because of him. Back when I was just a mere fan, I was big into his EVIL ERNIE books, but there was a period of time when they were starting to disappoint me. Rather than gripe and moan about the horrible state of comics, like most do (and this was a time before the internet was prominent in armchair critics lives), I wrote an eight-page letter to Chaos!, in which I critiqued EE, not just pointing out where they were going wrong, but also showing where they’ve done really well.

Part of the letter was published in an issue of EE, and I was named Fiend of the Month. Pulido actually called me up to discuss a few of the points I’d made, and during that phone call, he invited me out to Wizard World Chicago to meet him. It wound up being my first convention. (Not long after this conversation, I went on to start reviewing comic books for the Elmhurst College LEADER, and my first review was of EE.)

So, I’ve seen him every year from that moment on, and I’m sure he was surprised to see me show up in a suit to C2E2 this year. I explained that I was a working member of the press for this convention. As I was the only one working for the press in the room (Cliff had yet to read his first Avatar book at that point), I was singled out for this bit of ball-busting.

I had interviewed almost everyone at the panel, and they remembered me, so they broke out laughing. Then, the panelist who was wondering about the CROSSED movie suddenly laughed and said, “Don’t quote me on the horse cock thing!”

It was my greatest moment as a journalist.

Anyway, my question was regarding Boundless Comics. I wanted to know if they were planning on having BELLADONNA, GYPSY, and WAR ANGEL as titles for their new imprint. Christiansen and Pulido exchanged glances, and the former said, “We haven’t discussed that yet.” They said that it was a possibility, and Pulido asked me, “Is that something you’d like to see?”

Considering how open he is to his audience (since after my eight-page letter, EE went on to some of his awesomest, mind-blowingest adventures), I answered with a resounding yes. “Especially WAR ANGEL,” I said.

Pulido then mentioned that he’d heard that WAR ANGEL was actually 50-Cent’s favorite comic book. A bit of weird trivia. Who knows? It might come in handy someday.

So, there are a lot of excellent things coming from Avatar and Boundless soon. If you’re not on board yet, you need to buy your ticket. You’ll get a kick out of the ride.